Autumn Sun

The summer had not come, but still was gone
October and finally the clouds parted
A glimpse of what could have been
Just a day to live the wrong season
One day to walk and watch and enjoy

Drove out of town to fight the crowds in the wilderness
Walk the Wiltshire hills
Which roll like the clichéd waves
Escape the crush and embrace the view
Pick a spot to sit and read and dream

Haze in the distance
Not cleared by the breeze which cools
But doesn’t chill
Rustles the pages and stirs the grass
Grown long beneath my feet
Insects on my sleeves, a spider
Starts to spin between thumb and book
But is borne away

Shadows dance with the words as I forsake the view
Subtly changed when I finally gaze again
No longer the same, so I rise
Pause for ice cream
To lick and drip and refresh

Another drive, another view
But the same crowds even in the forest
Delicate colours will be gone in a week
Swept together, reduced to nothing
But now those leaves shine and dance and dazzle

I remember another autumn
The same unique tableau
Not here, but beside the lake
Where the light shimmered and leapt across that mirror
Keep the city, I do not need it
Anything that can be bought is worthless
Who wants to live forever?
Not I

One day I too will shrivel and fall and rot
But it will not matter
Even if I do nothing more
For I was there
That autumnal day in England
When I walked and dreamed and drank and lived
Was it perfect?
No
But close enough

Kiss

The flames danced, and there you were
Coiled around your man
Under the clouded sky
No moon tonight
Just them and us
And leaping tongues
Licking and merging before our eyes

Pass round a bottle to quench the thirst,
But not the fire
From nowhere a guitar and you sing
I listen
Years since we were all together
And years till we shall return

Rise to wander beneath the trees
Swaying branches
And whispers in the dark
Does he miss you,
Your man beside the fire?
I do not miss him

Alone, just you and I
And a snatch of a refrain
A lilting melody as we edge closer
The fire burns brighter
One taste, no more
But one is plenty

Unused to canvas I rise
The sun above and the ashes cold
Did I dream it?
Catch the train
Back to the city, back to reality
My shoulder your pillow

The memory lingers, it did not die with the dawn
That false dawn which stole the mystery
Better the sun did not rise
And we remain beside the fire
Forever feeding the flames
And laughing beneath the trees

Dear Diary

In the depths of my diary
Thoughts I hide so the world can't see
Never spoken, will not be read
Legion the things wish I had said
Lock up my dreams and once again
Pour out my soul with ink and pen
Fantasies, words that were not risked
Memories of your lips unkissed
Here is truth, when I speak it's lies
Keeping these secrets I despise
On pure white page, once more impart
Fragments dark of my smothered heart

One Night with You

You’re the reason I dance
Just want to get close
Stay close
Edge closer
But can’t let you know

Meet you at eight you say
And I’m ready
But wait
Deliberately late
Pretend I’m not bothered

Small talk as we walk
Try to make that connection
Share a moment
Before I have to share you
With friends I wish weren’t here

Cough in the smoke
Laugh at your jokes
Even though they’re not funny
Saying nothing
Just watching you
Stroke your hair or something
Meaningless
But beautiful

On to the club
Try and look cool
Just feel like a fool
This ain’t my scene
But want to stay with you…
…Just in case

Nothing to do so drink
Drunk, say something stupid
And regret it
But forget it
You weren’t listening anyway
More interested in my friend
Can’t leave you alone

Which is the reason for dancing
Got to be close
And stay close
But no closer
Because I can’t let you know

Walk you home
But say nothing
The door clicks shut
And I curse myself for a coward
Like a hundred nights before

Books

There is I think somewhere
A bookshop
Perfect in everyway
Labyrinthine
And I will roam for hours
Searching every shelf
Absolutely alone
Except for an old friend
Who I did not expect to meet

No screaming children here
Nor overpriced coffee
Just the books
And me

Up winding stairs to cavernous lofts
With arched windows
Warmed by August sun
Gaze down upon the muted hustle of the narrow street
So far away

There on dusty shelf
Lies a book
That I loved in my youth
Untouched in years
A previous owner’s name stencilled to the cover
But mine now

Further through musty corridor
Faded maps hanging between the shelves
In this uncharted territory
Authors I have never heard of
Will never remember again
Time slows

Or perhaps speeds
One smile and the bell rings
As I return to the reality
The flood of light and sound
Of a summer afternoon

42

This is it
I finally realised
That there is no more
I do not know what came before
Will not see what follows
I shall be gone

And that scares me
For I had everything
And now a third is gone
Almost all was wasted
And I cannot get it back
You only get one chance

Every moment that passes
I waste a little more
Can’t slow the sands
The light is fading into night
And I am no Joshua
The heavens will not pause for me

A handful have left their mark
All else have faded, forgotten
Perhaps they did not even exist
They are as nothing
Beside the immortal few
But I am not gone, not yet

So when you live, rejoice!
Though it might only be for a moment
Perhaps there is more
But I pity the fool that loses that bet
Naïve, but on one thing I am sure
This is it

Eleventh

I remember a cool Sunday morning
When all was silent but the wind
Which blew, blustered and swirled

In the distance a flag leapt and danced
It did not care for the drizzle that dampened my coat
Scarf wrapped tight against the November chill

Across the park an uncountable host
An army of leaves, all colours, all shades
Had been flung far from their berths

At some unseen signal they charged
Jumping and tumbling and rolling
Magnificent sight and my heart gladdened

But the wind fell, the charge failed
Barely a leaf had reached me
All lay dead and rotting in the mud

Saddened I trudged on among the naked trees
From afar I heard a snatch of bugle
And I paused, to remember

Single

Lie in bed, awake
Thoughts of the day
Dreams of the night
Merge until you can’t separate
Here everything is possible
Repeat the failures
Relive success
Improve on either
Again, again and forever

Lie in bed, asleep
The images that come are not real
They will flicker
Fade with the sunrise
Nothing but fantasy
But sometimes more real
Than the thoughts that preceded them

Lie in bed, alone
No one to hold close
Loneliness that dominates the night
Unwanted?
Loneliness that dominates the day
Everyone else is loved
But not you

Another night, awake
The dreams of the day
And the thoughts of the night still mingle
Here nothing is possible
Except to relive the failures
And forget the successes
Improving on neither
Feels like forever

November Sky

Bury me under November sky
Beneath full moon final lullaby
Shun the day, embrace the night
Banish all cloud with cool starlight

No icy crypt, gates locked and barred
Trapped in town and grim churchyard
Promise you won’t do that to me
Wild river and forest to set me free

Across the streams, amongst the trees
Unchained at last to roam with ease
Far from houses, on lonely hill
Where my spirit wanders it feels no chill

Though I have gone don’t mourn my death
Cherish the moments when we drew breath
Bury me shallow or bury me deep
The bones lie still but my soul won’t sleep

Don’t mark the spot with grey headstone
I’ll be long gone, leave the flesh alone
Never visit the grave, forget that place
But remember my name, remember my face

Half Forgotten Riff

That night was long ago
Forgotten almost
To everyone
Nothing special, not even for me

Everything happened that night
Nothing happened
Depends on the viewpoint
Perhaps you do not remember
The joke I made
You laughed at the time
I remember
Maybe not that night, but I remember
Something

A couple of drinks
Pictures that no one really likes
When they appear online
I wasn’t looking
At the camera
Wasn’t thinking about the camera
Just felt tired

But then that song
Woke everything up
Came and went
Back to obscurity, I enjoyed it whilst it lasted
Didn’t like what followed
The unknown song was the highpoint
Of a low point
Of my year
But unknown it remained

Time passes
Not so foolish anymore
People forget
Not me, I remember
Just the riff
Over and over
Can’t exorcise the memories till I find it

There’ll be joy when I find it
Even though it may wake the memory
That you don’t have
And I wish I could banish

Ethereal Journey

It was dark when I woke
Urged from slumber by that persistent alarm
Washed, dressed but still the night
Cloaked my passage as I pulled away
Beneath the swollen moon
And into the mist

Leave behind the concrete
Enter the maze of hedgerow
Both grey in the half-light before the dawn
The birds yet silent as I speed into the East
Behind me the stars yet shine
But not before me

Ever I race in twilight
No limits can hold me
Soar along a causeway
Rising among the waves
Those ethereal strands
Dancing at the feet of ghostly trees

As I crest a hill I see her
Magnificent
And a golden tide sweeps toward me
But still there is silver
The one among the other
And I can barely watch the road

Onward I fly
It is early yet
But finally the enchantment is broken
And I wake
Though I left my bed an hour before
The dream starts to fade

What was said

If only I could open my mouth
And for once not regret
The words that spilled out
And escaped

Better would have been to
Even though not proved wrong
Eat my words
Chew them over and swallow
Never to break forth
Erupt
Destructive as any volcano

Where was my wit
Sparkling intellect run dry
Or washed away
Did drowning cause the sorrows
It’s not like this with anyone else

But the words did escape
And you laughed at my confession
Turned away
And left me to mourn
What was said